The irony.

• I wish life & most people wouldn’t be so sick and twisted, not only because they have made me suffer and deprived of things I should have had since birth, I may sound spoiled but sometimes I just wish life was perfect even though that makes me a hopeless dreamer.
• I wish I knew what awaits for me this coming year, the rocks I know I will trip over along the way and how many mistakes I will once again make, leaving me to smack myself across the head AGAIN for being so stupid & actually thinking that for a second something in life could be easy.
• I wish adults would stop arguing over stupid stuff that can greatly affect my life and my future. I might sound a little selfish but I think I deserve a tiny bit of stability in my life for once, if that’s even possible.
• I wish a little someone would not hate me for wanting what is best for him & breaking us apart. He was my best guy friend and I knew it just was not going to work, we gave it our best & that’s what counts. Hopefully his heart will find a little room for forgiveness, I don’t want to lose his friendship.
• I wish God would tell me where he wants me to go and what he wants me to do with my life because this process sure ain’t easy. I’m a senior and I haven’t decided what to do as a career and that makes me feel like a total loser.
• I wish the guy I know God has for me shows up all wrapped up in gift-wrapper with a red bow & a card saying-“Enjoy this is what Ive been keeping from you for so long. He is gentle, caring, understanding & most of all this one actually does love you with all of his heart, meaning he won’t lie or manipulate you and first and foremost will always be by your side”. That would be nice.
• I wish all people would turn into Pinocchios so they would not get away with lying. I know people that their life has been built on lie upon lie & someday -hopefully- they will realize that they have been living in a sand castle all along, so when the water rises I truly hope to be there for them, because honestly the truth might not be all that bad after all.
• I wish for God to persuade my grandma so she’ll come live with me because I miss her terribly. She practically raised me and I am mostly all she had to help her around the house and I want to bring her to live with me even though she sometimes does not get along with my mom because of her depressive symptoms but I just want to make sure she’s happy. I know she has suffered enough throughout her life so I will become a professional to give her at least half of what she has given me.
• I wish for my friends to all find what they are so ardently looking for in their lives so they’ll be happy. I want only what is best for them, I want God to always be with them, touch their heart and make the loneliness they feel drift away. I wish for us to never grow apart, but then again who can grow apart in this small town.
• I wish my mom will find the inner peace she lacks because of all we have been through, she has not had an easy life raising me all by herself. I remember her always buying me great clothes but nothing for her because we did not have bunches of money & still she had me in a private school. I will never leave her side and I hope she knows that. I love her so much and I wish she understood that some things I just can’t talk about with her.
• I wish I understood why I didn’t grow up at the side of my father or why he left but I sure do not want him to leave ever again and the fact stupid childish quarrels might drive him away sickens me to the core. I know I only met him 2 years ago but I love him & I have never held anything against him. I just want him to be here with me, forever, I don’t think that’s too much too ask.
• I wish for God to give me the strength to help everyone in need and to give me courage to do everything I must do for His glory alone. I want to grow closer to Him & always thank Him for everything good in life, because besides all He never lets me down but instead raises me up high when I fall. I want to walk in Jesus footsteps and never feel lonely again. I want to grow up to & the kind of human being He wants me to be doing His will always.

I mostly just want for this New Year to be special & full of hope for the future.

Today i noticed that when you are looking for something, you can’t find it.

But when you are not looking for something, it finds you.

That is just Great ! The irony of it all. This hide-and-seek game has led me to conclude that I must stop looking for happiness and just BE HAPPY. It’s not that hard really. For me, happiness is waking up in the morning and just breathing, looking outside when it’s pouring down & the sky is falling, smelling the wet air, dancing in the rain, baking cupcakes, eating a doughnut, laughing nonstop at the stupidest most random memory I can think of, being with my family, praising God, talking to my friends, staying up til late playing guitar, complaining about the cold but loving it all the same, looking for random pictures in the internet, daydreaming, watching dramatic Asian soap operas or watching anime, talking fluently in movie quotes, dancing randomly in public whenever I hear a good song in the radio, being loud, being crazy, being myself and just living.